Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
