I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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