none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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