I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
