im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
