drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
