...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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