Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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