I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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