remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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