and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
