I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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