I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
