If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
