I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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