If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
