my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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