we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
