If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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