whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize