So drunk its hurt
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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