Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize