No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
well, you know. whores of a feather.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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