well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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