First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
