I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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