Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
