capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
