a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize