I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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