We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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