go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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