dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
