anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
