Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
