he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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