Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
