I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
