Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
