I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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