she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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