4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
