ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
