i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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