There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
