Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I need to align my fucking chakras
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
