i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
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