She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I am available for nakedness
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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