I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm sobbing to NWA
So vagazzling was a success
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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