He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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