you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
