I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
