doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Define "chronic" masturbator.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
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