My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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