I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
