You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
