This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
My vagina is very pro this idea
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