My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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