Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
