I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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