am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
