do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
