The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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