Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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