I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Operation Purity has been aborted
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
