We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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