he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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