that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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