Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
